Tom's Boring Requiem For Heroes: The Obituary

*Sniff* so sad... and so poignant.




Hrok - your group choose beautiful names! Bravo sir!

Sister Teresa II was a promising young woman of many talents. She was an accomplished horsewoman and an expert with the holy hammer and punishing whip. Her young life was lost in a skirmish with the infamous Tilean Trulls. She is preceded in death by her beloved horse, whom she called Horse.

Valdemar Smets, loyal champion of Marienburg, died a most manly death by the hands of so many. It was once said that one day he would challenge Captain Hastings for leadership, and that would be an interesting day indeed. However, in accordance with perceived mutiny, he was shot in the back by his superior officer, skewered by one of the vile beastmen, and executed via firing squad by an army of constructs.

(The constructs were because he only had robot minis sitting around, and wanted to roll up dwarves. We changed the fluff, and he's got dwarf-robots.)

Haroum the Wanderer, Master of the dhow Dancing Cloud, Rais of the Children of the One, adventurer, smuggler and man of many parts. Killed by infidel pirate Jean Crapaud in a nameless village in Estalia.

Oh, how the good die young. Leftovers, beastman-chieftain-turned-zombie, was most heinously slain in the servant of his glorious master, by an ogre tyrant. After his second death, Leftovers' soul will hopefully suffer in agony, as his animated corpse failed to make so much as a single attack. The only comfort of his posthumous comrades is that the ogres who ate him were beaten to his choice bits by they themselves upon his first death...

Let us pause and remember Rollo Peppenhoot, Halfling Scout Extraordinaire. His famous frittered dumpling bombs were always a ray of sunshine around the campfire. And his prowess with the bow was no less remarkable than his love for adventure. I can remember his cheery little voice piping down from many a rooftop or balcony: "Oh goodness gracious me. I believe I very nearly hit one. Have at you blackguard! How terribly exciting!"

But the first time he encountered combat was his last. No less a creature than the Rabbit Ogre of Mordheim cut him down. It was like a curly-haired vat of beef stroganoff exploded in that attic.

The glorious Penal Company of the magnanimous Undead was struck many a blow today, with the death of...most people. Between the Carnival of Chaos and the pathetic, live humans, many a good servant was slain. A recap of said honorable sacrifices...

Big Hoss, the orc big'un who was given via redemption into undeath was alain while fighting many a nurgling. Before dying a horrible death (Which was painless, in his enlightened undead state.), he managed to sink his dagger to the hilt in the gut of the Carnival Master, leaving him out of action for multiple games. One of his nurglings followed his example, and was stamped into the dust.

Ratfood, Queenie, and Todd were finally laid to rest, being impossible to patch together. All three were clubbed to death, while buying time for their noble superiors to mount a resistance to the dual threat. Todd was an especially heavy loss, as he had been with the warband since its initial banishment to Mordheim. They left behind Tedward and Maggot...

The Penal Company is especially saddened to learn of the destruction of most of their ghouls...again. Gluttony, the morbidly obese ghoul, was slain most heinously by a giant mace-wielding rot-monkey. There is no better way to describe what happened. Seriously. It was as hilarious as as it was tragic. Additionally, Lust, the hot female ghoul, was slain by misogynist living scum. Executed with a pistol while on the ground. Foul...

Additionally, the Gracious Penal Company would like to wish one of its number a happy retirement. Buford has been sent home, having earned his redemption for the crime of vagrancy. He is wished good luck on his recovery, as a shattered ribcage is a hard thing to live with.

Hrok wrote:

The glorious Penal Company of the magnanimous Undead

Villainous Undead! If you've got any bits of poor Rollo left, the Sisterhood of the Penitent Bludgeon demands their return. The little fella's son (and replacement cook) was emotionally scarred at the funeral. In hindsight, an open casket may not have been the best idea.

Quote :

an open casket may not have been the best idea.

DRD1812 wrote:

Villainous Undead! If you've got any bits of poor Rollo left, the Sisterhood of the Penitent Bludgeon demands their return.

Maybe. But what's he want with his parts? He's dead!

DRD1812 wrote:

The little fella's son (and replacement cook) was emotionally scarred at the funeral. In hindsight, an open casket may not have been the best idea.

ROFL

Frayd honored (but secretly feared) sorcerer of the dread Pandemium was treacherously assassinated by Mad Mizzel a fellow member of the sect. Mizzel plead not guilty by reason of insanity and was released on his own recognizance. Charges are expected to be dropped since everyone knows Mad Mizzel is barmy, looney tunes and seriously messed in the head. Frayd was a fool to turn his back on the nut case.

Sister Superior Charity was reported shot and killed while campaigning in southern Estallia. Her beloved horse, Schmutzy, was also killed in the same attack.

LOL, i like the statement that getting assasinated is your own fault, that is such a messed up perspective that it could come directly from a defense lawyer
By the way Von Kurst, how does your group manage to loose so many heroes? They seem to drop like flies.

Horatius wrote:

LOL, i like the statement that getting assasinated is your own fault, that is such a messed up perspective that it could come directly from a defense lawyer
By the way Von Kurst, how does your group manage to loose so many heroes? They seem to drop like flies.

Can you tell I spent last weekend chatting with my nephew the prosecuting attorney?

Come now, we are way down on heroic fatalities from last season!

Playtable has lost 4 heroes thus far, but there have been times when he lost at least one per week! But in truth, several of us are notorious for rolling ones at the wrong time.

D'mot was a rat ogre, but more than that he was a pet, a friend, a confidant, a garbage disposal, an assassin, a rabid beast. Er, ahem, D'mot died of a broken heart, abandoned in a magical forest deep in Estalia. He was picking 'purty white flowers' when he accidently wandered into a sucking bog and drowned. His friends and co-workers were shocked by his needless death.

There will be no comemorative service but perhaps the next plague will be named for him.

Renfield, bearer of a name I really liked, lost his life tonight, in a heroic swordfight with an ogre runt. His life had been a common one, spent with his family in Mordheim. He was recruited to the Glorious Penal Company and immediately proved himself to his vampiric liege, surpassing the other dregs in a single day, and avenging his family's death at the hands of a young wyvern. However, as the Flames of U'zhul burn twice as bright and half as long, the ogre got the best of him.

Though not personally avenged, the ogre warband has been quite admirably decimated by Renfield's liege, as the runt's commanding officer followed poor Renfielld to the cold grave.

a'Frayd was the newest member of the Pandemium's hierarchy. He was reported killed in a brief almost negligible skirmish with an Imperial patrol. Interestingly Skebble and the Great Priest were also seriously injured in the same fight. Mad Mizzel alone emerged unscathed. Treachery is assumed.

Von Kurst wrote:

Treachery is assumed.

haha awesome!

Died of Unknown Causes: THE DEMONICALLY POSSESSED CAMERA OF CONTINUAL CONTRARINESS aka You #@!!**$ Bastard You. She left behind several hundred yet-to-be-photographed minis & terrain pieces. She will be missed...until a replacement can be purchased.

*takes of his crown* I'm sorry about your loss Mr. Nala

My pain at not being able to view more of your creations may be greater than yours at the loss of your contrary contraption. I am sorry for your loss and I hope the situation is temporary.

Noz Nuffin'a young un of the 'Ard Knokkas tribe was killed by a Lustrian Cold One.

Razzag Shieldsmasha a Big Un of the Sea Gitz crew looked a fright, but ended by a Cold One's bite.

Cold Ones 2, Orcs 1

Fishgutz (the First)- Formerly of the Ogresun
Knocked on the head by Skabius the Plague Priest.
This friendly, generous and likeable member of the Starboard Watch will be sorely missed by his shipmates... Not least because he owed money or drinks to most of them.

LOL. i think the fact that Fishgutz won´t be missed because his heroic deeds aren´t happening anymore ist telling .
Apparently he was more into drinking than fighting - now i ask you is that really orclike ?

It may not be Orclike but it is very piratelike!

(BTW: Fishgutz (the Second) will continue the "good" work done in his name as I haven't had a warband without Fishgutz (in some form or other) in the last 6 years of near-continuous Mordheim campaigning.)

Tydus was a Black Skaven of some repute. He was sneaky, untrustworthy, cowardly, a bully and known to be susceptible to possession by demons. For all these admirable traits, he still led the charge on a female Stegadon. In the resulting conflict Tydus lost his life, becoming the only skaven out of the six that charged to do so. Exact cause of death will never be proved due to the state of the body after the dead cow fell on it.