Tom's Boring Requiem For Heroes: The Obituary

Dearly Beloved , Today we are gathered to Honor Our Dearly Departed Comrades In Arms. Noble or Villainous; Brave or Cowardly, May They here be Enshrined So their Glory SHALL NOT diminish with time.

THIS, Oh Fellow Forumites, is THE Place to sing the praises of your Beloved Heoes & Henchmen that their names & deeds & the sadness [or humor ] of their passage will not go unnoticed. Immortalizing or Otherwise those Little Metal Warriors that you spend UNTOLD HOURS painting, converting, & writing endless bits of fluffy background for, who THEN, Ungrateful Wretches that they were, had the inconsiderate audacity to buy the farm mere moments after hitting the gaming table is both a satisfying way to give vent to your sense of loss [or feelings of good riddance ] & tends toward inspired prose of a poignant & humorous nature.

Credit for this idea MUST be given to the Flame On Forum, who ran an Obit that WAS an INCREDIBLE read, AND to the Annihilation Thread in Our Own Rule & Games Play section, which made moi remember what fun it was relating the Tragic End of some of my own Heros. SO...Let us share your grief Brothers & Sisters.

PICTURES OF THE DECEASED ARE WELCOME!
--Admin Tom

Felonious McGrunge, Famed [for shooting his sister out from beneath an apple ] Night Goblin Archer: His TRAGiC end came when the Powder Keg he was COURAGEOUSLY [let those who say cowering behind be TRULY ashamed ] defending was struck by a flaming projectile cast by a Pointy Eared Miscreant of Doubious Sexual Practices. May he find a BETTER PLACE [or places as the case may well be ].

"Dangerous" Dirk Gently (pro. ghent-lee) (known to his enemies as the "Fat-Knife")
Rieklander Captain of "Dirk's Daggers"
Cut down by roundshot (fired by a cowardly pirate!), while under the command of Max Wilson, in the first turn of his first game. Bringing an untimely end to a poentially illustrious carreer.
He will be buried within the cemetry of Chad's Small-Figure-Case, until the rest of the warband is returned to their true owner (Chad).
Meanwhile, Max has decided to continue the warband under the command of Champion Gorethold.

In Memory of the Daring Deeds of Dick Turnip, Heroic Halfling: He snatched MOST BOLDLY Treasure from the grasp of Slippery Jack only to be Cruelly robbed & slain by Cowardly Goblins Most Foul. You shall not be forgotten [the blood & gore stains don't come off the cobblestones all that easily ].

I keep forgetting to post these!

From The Seal of Sigmund campaign so far:

zelophahad wrote:

Two 'hobbituaries':

From my game last week againt Saul:

The piggy known as 'Breakfast'
He got the chop.

From yesterday's multiplayer madness:

The piggy known as 'Tea'
There was no one to save her bacon.

Godfather Viktor wrote:

Actually da Skullbashas are still celebrating on Tea's bacon!!!

One of these was kindly mentioned above by Deafnala...

zelophahad wrote:

Another two (rather more serious) 'hobbituaries' from my game today against Viktor:


Dick Turnip, proffessional wealth redistributor
He cheated death at the hands of many goblins, and even evaded Slippery Jack.
But an orc with an axe was unavoidable.


Leon the aspiring pig farmer
A strong swimmer, but not strong enough to escape Slippery Jack.
Missing, presumed drowned.*

[* He did actually drown, but he has to come back to life again at some stage because he's still alive in 50 years time! :/)

Andy wrote:

Ooh, forgot to do these after Monday's battle.

Ludwig the Extremely Brave - Not exactly dead, but sold into a life of sodomy and hard work.

Rupert Two-Fingers and Dieter One-Finger - Noble street lepers, finally put out of their misery by some rather large orcs.

Snuggles and Cuddles - Valiant warhounds, butchered in a vicious pig fight. Animal rights activists are clamouring for halfling blood.

Sunny Yellowbrook - Cut down rather unsportingly by a big orc bully.

Godfather Viktor wrote:

Skar Maddog
He wanted to be a-boss,
All he got was the a-byss.

Fart, the Goblin
He was getting too mouthy.
Skewered at the back by his mate Belch

WarbossKurgan wrote:

Doubloon Dreg
Formerly of the Port Watch of the Old Ogresun.
All he wanted was a shiny new hook-hand but he got his head caved-in by Zealots instead.

TRAGIC, but funny nonetheless. Thanks MUCHO for posting, Saul.

Underbheit's Underlanders came to an end in the fourth game of their second campaign. They had nearly one the last campaign, but I missed the final game which caused me to lose by 4 campaign points.

Dr. O, a veteran necromancer, who could out reanimate any liche, joined the living impaired, not but the sling shot whic knocked him down, but rather the short stop after a 2 story fall.

In the same game, The long undead Vampire Underbheit became dead due to a single sling shot, which was critical. On the injury table I rolled multiple injuries, 6 of 'em, then old battle wounds: miss 3 games, Then I lost an arm, an eye and smashed my leg. At that point I declared the vampire murdered, which was actually worse.

UnderBheit wrote:

On the injury table I rolled multiple injuries, 6 of 'em, then old battle wounds: miss 3 games, Then I lost an arm, an eye and smashed my leg.

Its a shame he was a Vampire not a Pirate UnderBheit, or that little list would have been the start of a beautiful career!

The Obituary Columns both here & on the Rapidly Regenerating Flame On Forum are the source of some AWFUL JOKES, HORRENDOUS PUNS, & the occasional moment of PURE PATHOS, as such I say "GOD BLESS IT"!

They'll ALL be missed, especially the 1ST Incarnation of Sigmeow [sacred Cats ARE SO hard to come by these days ].

Uh, obituaries, so much to write up after the gaming weekend

Dead Dick the Drudge: Some say it was the Fall that killed him; others the Rope they tied around his neck.
We'll not see your Kind again...hopefully.

Don't forget PICTURES of the fallen! PICS!

Captain Esteban de Gutzman, Master of the Valeria Rojas, was stabbed in the back in clear violation of the Code as he fought Captain Blackwater in a Captain's Duel. The Ghosts have no honor.

Barnacle Nog First Mate, Ogresun
A victim of the eternal war between Pirates and Ninjas.
Tried to take on a whole band on his own, forgetting that his fighting skills
were more suited to bellow-decks combat and less suited to aerial battles
balanced on bridges.


Wyrdtoof Hogbreff Navigator, Ogresun
Another victim of that same eternal war. Shot by a Ninja bow
while failing to flame-grill the assailing assassins.

TRADGIC! You have my DEEPEST Condolences...kind of.

Those Ninjas are deadly foes; the American auto industry is having their problems with them at the moment.

Sebstian Randolphous, Captain of the Swayers Way
He fell preparing to board the Merry Maid. What a way to go!

Pedro the Gimp, Second Officer of the Valeria Rojas
Struck by lightning, attacked by sharks, he was laid low by a Dwarf axe.
He rejoins his hand and leg in a better place.

Fletche Smithe II, Skeleton Mate of the Enigma's Shade
Perhaps this time he will stay dead.

Iz, da gobbo swab
He take da shillin' and do da Code!
Da stunties kill 'im.

Dread Pirate RogUrtz
Kabin Grot, formerly of the Ogresun.
Briefly stood before the advancing horde no, swarm umm... half dozen Dark Elves of Darth More's sinister gang. Bravely died protecting his shipmates and the Grog Barrels.

Stormy Trug
Kabin Grot, formerly of the Ogresun.
Also briefly stood before the Elves. Also bravely died.

The zoggin' pixies still got the zoggin' Grog an' all.

The Sartosa Campaigns ARE producing more corpses than a Typhoid Epidemic.

Just wait till the outbreak of Sartosan Plague!

Dirty Morrgun
Kabin Grot, formerly of the Ogresun.
Faced the Black Knight in a black mood, got trampled by his black steed.

(His death was avenged though: The Kommodore and the Port Watch pressed the Knight... under his own horse!)