Tom's Boring Requiem For Heroes: The Obituary

DeafNala wrote:

The Sartosa Campaigns ARE producing more corpses than a Typhoid Epidemic.

'Tis Blackwater's Curse I tell ye!


Mad Emilio Estevez, Former Captain and First Mate of the Valeria Rojas
Eaten by a crocodile while doing his best Johnny Weismuller impersonation.

Hermano, Gunner on the Valeria Rojas
Shot down by the "Monkey Girl".

Arrr, you ain't a proper Pirate till you've a really good curse on ye!

Having missing eyes [preferrably ONE per Pirate ], various appendages that have been replaced with wooden or metallic appliances, AND a DREAD curse are the heights of Pirate chic.

RETIRED: Ace O' Spadez

He was a ded'ard an' stompy git, Sporting a flashy spades symbol on his left legplate.

He started as a yoof, and quickly surpassed the boss in physical attributes! Unfortunatly a vampire struck him stupid! Which is probably the only reason he didn't become boss!

He was frenzied, stupid, and DED'KILLY.

Many a battle has been won by Ace O' Spadez alone - He took out the entire undead warband, including the vampire, BY HIMSELF while my other orcs held off the possesed (played by Pathfinder Dubstyles).

He also destroyed an entire witch hunter warband by himself, when he decided to go off and scrap by himself.

Many a fool have tried to take advantage of his stupidity, only realizing that it was very hard to kill the orc before he came to his frenzied senses.

The warband has since moved out of mordheim, growing bored of it, to areas not depleted of all the booty.

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His stats (coming from what I remember)

4str, 5Toughness, 3 wounds, 4 attacks, 1init

Stupid, Frenzied, horrible scars(caused fear), Nervous Condition, Strongman, Pit Fighter, Combat Master, Resilient, Mighty Blow (str 7 attacks with his two handed axe), and Strike to injure.

He had a two handed axe, helmet, lucky charm, Boots of Rope and Pieter (I think that was the name of that artifact.)

At the time we also played with the house rule that heroes can use any kind of armor. I mean, look at black orcs - you cannot even see their skin they look so 'ard! So Ace O' Spadez had Gromril Armor too.

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I do miss him so, and dont think I could ever rebuild him if I was to start over. Although I am well on my way to making the scariest Lizardman totem warrior ever... Hopefully he will become a great hero as well!

AoS was scary! and to top it off we were playing frenzy and stupidity wrong half the time and treating him as stupid while within charge range which frenzy would normally negate! To think of all the times he would have been getting 7 attacks instead of standin' around droolin'!!

Ace O' Spadez sounds like the stuff of legend! Truely an Orc worthy or Gork's blessing (or possibly Mork's). Rightfully songs will be sung lamenting his passing and celebrating his deeds in life.




Then, we eat him!

Ace O' Spadez had 8 attacks while frenzied, plus the ironshod boot, plus another for pit-fighter (when applicable), Plus another for combat master (when applicable - almost always).

That was 11 attacks when he was fighting more than one person near ruins.

11 attacks that usually hit on threes and hit at S7.

He was Gork incarnate.

Evil Ted's lament:

"Big Boss Urk Snik was hacked down by da ded things and died.
Boss Rayzor was killed by da ded things and turned into a bloated.

Toppa da boy was killed by Khorne Raiders.
Tunga da boy was killed by da ded things and turned into a bloated
Toof Steal da boy was killed by da ded things and turned into a bloated."

I found this part of the forum, and I could not resist to reproduce my poem to my favorite Skaven Hero; Petey, The Merciless. Unfortunately I do not have a photo... and I can't find one of the model on the web. He was modeled using the Skaven giant rat that is dressed with a robe and a tiny sword. The story on him was that every time the enemy would make fun of his size, he would go crazy and charge them. He always, somehow, pulled criticals!

Eventually, someone had an Ogre (George) and he taunted him. He went and met him in combat...

A TRULY TRAGIC END;from Heroic Rat Guy to Rat Guy Hero. We won't see his kind again...unless we follow the Ogre around .

Elves put the Undead down.
From Playtable's notes:

Versus Dark Elves: "A "The Bloated" died, as did the Guardian (for the Old Smuggler), who got kidnapped to boot.

Against Chris {Sea Patrol}: Poor Captain Rottooth died from a High Elf bow shot.
Poor Goldie, a "The Cursed" died too and took her crossbow and sword with her.  (She got kidnapped by Chris.)
The Old Smuggler and one of my cannon crew died too.

What a HORRIBLE way to go: Death by Slippery Crenallations.

Dazza wrote:

Bloody Big Brian - Our beloved gentle giant, spied by a mangey archer, was committed to the sea today.

As Timmy sobbed, the Gentlemen rained a terrible revenge upon their foes with Willy himself bringing their pathetic leader to his knees, hexing a pirate's curse and plucking away an eye with his hook as a warning to all that defy Willy.

Fishgutz, former deckhand on the Ogresun.
Killed by Lubber Snag, deckhand on the Ogresun, after an exchange of words.... and blows.


It was the blows what killed him mind, not the words.

Down went little Horstmann. The youngblood never knew when to duck.

He will be missed most of all by the champion Horstmann. His older brother.

Ruganns ruffnecks have sworn to avenge him! Those marienburgers will soon know to fear Reiklander steel!!!

Only the GOOD die young...gives moi hope for a LOOONG life .

Deafnala the Eternal!

Has a nice ring to it though!

lord siwoc wrote:

Deafnala the Eternal!

Has a nice ring to it though!

The folks at Social Security WOULD NOT be amused.

Sperla, thrall of Khorne, slew Grumgore the Ogre but was cut down by Sonja Braun.

Kurt De Graf was killed in a duel with the Bloody Boys Quartermaster. If only he'd have remembered to use his whip...

Grumgore the Ogre has boarded his last ship.

Sharp Sigurd met the Quartermaster of the Bloody Boys first. Sigurd didn't slow him.

The Sigmarite couldn't swing a blade with the Bloody Boys' Captain

TRAGIC DEATHS one & all...but on the bright side, I checked it out, my name isn't listed...SO it's another day above ground for moi .

zelophahad wrote:

Tea, a pig.
He got the chop(per).

The Ogresuns send their thanks to the Cattering Corp for providing refreshments.

Tea's FINAL resting place is something I'd rather not consider.
My deepest condolences to Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner.