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 Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal

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Da Bank
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PostSubject: Colonel Commissar DaBank''s Journal   Sat 9 May 2009 - 3:11

Updated with 5 game stories.

Week 1 Game 1 WON

Colonel Commissar DaBank was leading his Last Chancers into a deserted part of the city. It had long been neglected from time and weather. DaBank told his squad to be on a lookout as it seems there were Orks nearby. Lt Dan asked "Commissar DaBank how do you know they are close, I don't see them?" Commissar DaBank pointed over to a statue that was supposed to have been one of the emperor about 100 yards away and said "Take a look? Do you see it?" Lt Dan gasped, "By the Emperor's Throne, what disgust!". Sarge Rock and Sarge Paper just shooked their heads and chuckled under their breath.

Pvt George Michael (Flamer) asked Curly, Larry and Moe what is going on? The troopers pointed the the large brown statue down the road. Curly said, "Look, the Orks took their dung and covered up the statue of the Emperor and made on of Gork or Mork. Hell, I can't tell which one it is as they all look the same anway."

Commissar DaBank barked out orders to Lt Dan and Lt Kage to get the men kitted and to move up as they must find these heinous Xenos that would put their excriment (spelling) on the Emporer's Statute. Commissar DaBank told Lt. Kage to tell Pvt George Michael that once they get close enough he needs to turn on his nozzle and flame the shit off. Lt. Kage smiled and said, "I will tell Pvt Michaels to get that fudge unpacked." Lt Kage broke a smile after a quick salute to Commissar DaBank.

As the Last Chancers neared the center of town, gun shot rang out like a bell,Gunshots ranged out like a bell
I grabbed my nine--
All I heard were shells
Fallin on the concrete real fast.

Commissar DaBank ordered his men to seek cover and to move forward.

Some sneaky Ork Boyz and a sneaky git Kommando had managed to get into some buildings and were taking pot shots at the IG.

Both sides fired back and forth but cover soaked up much of the ammunition.

Lt. Kage kicked Pvt Michaels in the rear and told him to go flame the Ork Boy and the Weirdboy (not dressed as nicely as Edwins. LOL). He shot a load of promethium and missed the first Ork but struck home on the Wierdboy but only managed to knock him down.

Trooper Curly returned fire on a crazy Ork Boy on a balcony of an Admnistratum building and he fell to his death. Encouraged by tasting first blood the Last Chancers contintued using cover to move forward and fire back at the filthy Orks.

In the end, the Orks ended up routing and left to fit another day.

Trooper Curly and Moe were both seriously wounded in battle. Hawkeye the medic was on hand and save Trooper Curly but Trooper Moe was too serious and passed away after a shot of Morpho. There was another injury to a trooper but he was not critically wounded and will be ready for battle.

Radar, the vox operator, came over to LT Kage to tell him that HQ had said they are sending in a lone replacement. Lt Kage said "Lone **********%%%%% replacement?" Radar said yes, it seems he is the lone survivor of another Penal Squad that was overurn by Nids. It seems there was over 100 men were killed. Lt Kage said, "Thanks as a heartbeat is a heartbeat and more meat for the grinder."


Last edited by Da Bank on Sun 17 May 2009 - 13:14; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sat 9 May 2009 - 3:46

lol! That Flamer, Pvt Michael should get on famously with Ben Dover. Suspect
Good, light hearted report, Col. Da Bank. thumbsup
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sat 9 May 2009 - 11:04

Thanks, I put a few "odd" names in there to make the story amusing.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 17 May 2009 - 13:14

Game 2

Week 2 Game 2 May 5, 2009 Won

Sarge Rock came into Colonel Commissar DaBank's HQ and saluted. Colonel DaBank snapped a fresh salute back, even in battle strict military discipline was a must for a fighting unit. Sarge Rock apologized for the abrupt meeting as it was during the Colonel's breakfast time. Sarge Rock could smell the eggs and salted pork cooking and he slowly drifted due to the wonderful smell of the food. The Colonel asked, "Can I help you?" Sarge Rock quickly regained his senses and "Yes, Sir!, Here are battalions orders." The Colonel asked, "What do they say?" Sarge Rock stammered, "Sir!, I don't know Sir! My job is only to deliver the messages and not to read the messages." Colonel DaBank smiled and said, "Is that so Sarge?" Colonel DaBank pulled out the data slate and typed in the password and the data slate hummed to life. The screen was a monochrone greenish color and came in and out of focus. The Colonel skimmed through the military briefing and saw that they were being sent to go guard a missile silo that is part of the new planetary defense force. It seems there is a renegade rebel planetary defense force that is rumored to be on their way to sabotage the missile silo.

In a few hours the Last Chancers had raced like Hell across the desert plains in their vehicles. The Last Chancers drove anything they could get their hands on as most of the heavy transports like the Chimeras were sabotaged by someone and have been out of commission for some time. The Tech priests had been praying but it the Great Ommissah has not been answering their prays as the machines are still not working. Colonel DaBank had managed to "requisition" some truck, motorcycles and buggies to move his mean around.

When the Last Chancers reached the gate to the military compound they found it deserted and there were no guards. Colonel DaBank told his men to split up and to drive the vehicles behind the buildings so they would be out of sight and to get on foot and start checking the grounds. The Last Chancers split up in two groups and had just managed to start looking around when they heard the sounds of jet pulse engines roaring nearby. Colonel DaBank howled to his men to take cover. Two Arvus Lighters came in hard and fast. They both looked like they were going to crash but the pilots managed to land the craft really close to the missile silo and fly off again. The Renegade PDF rabble jumped out and proceeded to double time it to the missile silo. They were so quick the Last Chancers had no time to react. The Renegaded PDF quickly strapped two demo charges to the side of the silo and set the times.

The Commissar yelled out to his men, "Do you want to live forever?" and he charged forward toward the enemy rabble. Lasguns fired away at each other. The Last Chancers were much better shots and poured in disciplined fire into the ranks of the rabble but the Rabble PDF did not let up. The PDF rabble managed to fire their flamer and scored a direct hit on Pvt George Michael's promethium tank and it caught fire, George soon realized his back side was on fire and he had mixed emotions at the same time as it brought back great and painful memories at the same time. He quickly slung off his promethium tank when it exploded. He knocked George to the ground and everyone thought he was dead.

DaBank was close to the blast and reminded himself to keep his distance going forward from the flamers as they tend to explode.

The sarges did their part and rallied their men forward and poured lasgun fire into the rabble. The enemy rabble leader quickly realized that he was outnumbered and called in to his shuttles to come pick them up. The rabble made a hasty retreat back to their shuttles and left.

Lt Dan reported to Commissar DaBank that the Missile Silo was damaged but not destroyed. The Colonel acknowledged but was concerned as Hawkeye was working on George Michael and another trooper. George Michael life signs feel silent for a brief minute but Hawkeye was able to bring him back. George looked up into Hawkeye's glassess and said it hurts. Hawkeye nodded and asked "How bad?" but then thought to himself why did I just ask that? George said, "This one time in band camp......" Hawkeye mind was now seared with George's band camp incident from his adolescent at that moment Hawkeye had wished he had been struck down by an emeny gun so he could meet the Emperor and be cleansed from what he just heard.

Colonel Commissar DaBank was sitting down at his table enjoying another fine meal of Grox chops when Sarge Rock came in and saluted. Sarge Rock could smell the food and almost fainted again from his hunger. Colonel DaBank saluted back and nodded for the Sarge to proceed with his message while he swallowed some good tasting meal in his mouth. Sarge Rock said, "Another dispatch report for the Colonel." The Colonel grabbed the data slate and typed in the password and the slate hummed to life. It was a message from the Lord General Peter Draggin. A holographic image of the Lord General appeared to be about 3 inches tall above the data slate. The Lord General wanted to Thank Colonel DaBank and the Last Chancers for this fine mission and that a Navy man had just been sentenced to death for forging Imperial Documents to get a pass to the officers mesh in order to get some better rations and thought maybe the Commissar would want to give his brand of justice to the event. The Lord General then said" Press 1 if you want the Navy person to die, Press 2 if would rather have him as one of his men to use as needed or Press 3 if you think you want my body." Commissar DaBank quickly pressed button 2. The Lord General looked a little dissapointed and said that the Navy prision would be sent down the next chance he could get. His name is Ben Dover. DaBank mused to himself, Name? Who cares about his name as he is another piece of meat for the Emperor's will and he will be known as Very Lonely.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 17 May 2009 - 13:15

Game 3

Week 2 Game 3 May 7, 2009 LOST

Colonel Commissar DaBank and Last Chancers headed out through another ghost town on this god forsaken planet. They were sent to go gather resources and were not expecting to run into any enemy forces as Naval Intelligence (Or lack there of) said their scans showed no enemy force movement in that area.

As the Last Chancers exited some abandoned buildings they could hear the "yelling" of some Orks nearby. Colonel DaBank barked out orders for his men to head towards a ruined building that looked like a good place for a fight.

DaBank lead a group of men to the 2nd floor of the building and had a few more spread out on the lower level.

The Orks came running towards the fortified Last Chancers. The Last Chancer fired away but many of the shots failed to seriously wound the Orks. The shots would hit them but the Orks are so tough it only slowed them up a little bit.

The officers were barking out orders and the recruits fired away with their lasguns. They managed to take 2 Orks OOA.

The Orks fire away but they can not hit a broadside of a barn but they keep firing away at the Imperial Guard regardless.

A gretchin fired at Lt. Gomer Pyle but his grot blaster blew up in his face and took him OOA.

The boyz close to the Nob fired away at to Guardsmen on the side of the building. Curly and Moe were taken out of OOA by them.

Lt Gomer Pyle was taken down by another Gretchin to blasted off his grot blaster.

When that happened to let 3 Orks very very exposed and were wondering whose side the gretchin was on.

The next chance (turn) that Colonel DaBank had to bark out orders he got a word in on vox that they needed to get out as a Naval Bombardment was going to commence.
Colonel DaBank challenged the order as he told the Naval Captain he only needed a few more minutes (one more turn) and he had three Orks that could have been peppered by at least 18 shots from lasguns. Pvt George Michael was ready with his flamer and had barked out that he had at least 4 Orks in his sights. In the end, Colonel DaBank was told to make a tactical retreat so the Navy could clean up their mess.

On the way back out Colonel DaBank's men found an Planetary Defense Force soldier hiding out in back of a building. Colonel DaBank questioned him and the PDF unit said his entire platoon had been wiped out by an Albino lead Ork force and that he was the only one who was able to make it away. Colonel DaBank called him a coward and said you should have fought to the last man! Colonel DaBank raised his bolt pistol to the PDF Unit's head and ask him "Do you feel Lucky?" The PDF Prisioner cried out "Spare me, please!!!!" Colonel DaBank said as a Commissar he can dispense military justice any way he sees fit. Commissar DaBank said I can shoot you or take you into our squad as punishment into a penal squad. Lt Dan said, "Colonel we could another point man." Commissar DaBank said, "I like what you are thinking." Commissar DaBank told the PDF Prisioner to get into formation as now his sentence is life in the service of DaBank's Last Chancers and the only way out is Death!

When Colonel Commissar DaBank arrived back at HQ he was greated by a short, pimpled face requisition officer who told Colonel DaBank that his request for more men from the local Penal Colony was approved but it was going to cost him out of his budget. Colonel DaBank asked, "Where in the hell do I need to sign?" The requistion officer noted to sign where it says to "sign here." DaBank shot him a glare that would have stopped a Grox dead in his tracks. The requisition officer quickly quipped. "You know they should identify the signatures lines better" and nervously laughed.

Colonel DaBank asked, "Ok, I signed the paperwork who in the name of the Emperor am I getting?" The junior requisition officer noted that he is getting one fresh recruit who was convicted of selling porno slates of the Sisters of Battle and a heavy weapons specialist who was convicted of burning down the local PDF recruiting office. DaBank smiled and said to himself, "Fresh meat".
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 17 May 2009 - 13:15

Week 3 Game 4 LOST



Radar yells out to Lt Dan, " Urgent message for Colonel DaBank!". Lt Dan runs to Colonel DaBank's office which is in an old food store. DaBank's office is in the old manager's room in the back on the 2nd floor. DaBank was able to view Lt Dan running down the aisles and almost slip rounding his first corner. Lt Dan comes into DaBank's office and produces a crisp salute and Colonel DaBank salutes quickly back and goes back to eating his xorncob and grey protein bar with some hot recaf. Lt. Dan hand Colonel DaBank the urgent message from Lord General Peter Draggin. Colonel DaBank grabs the data slate and enters his password and the data slate hums to life. A holographic image appears of the Lord General but this begins to phase out and starts loosing focus. DaBank gets the data slate with the butt of his bolt pistol and the data slate holographic image comes back into focus. The Lord General Peter Draggin says that Naval intelligence (or lack there of) has caught some Eldar communications and it seems a squad of filthy Xenos are trying to get an important message off the planet. Lord General said they must be stopped and the message retrieved. The data slate went cold.

Colonel DaBank told Lt Dan to go get the men ready.

The Last Chancers moved out into position according to the coordinates given by the Imperial Navy.

They didn't have to wait long when the Last Chancers caught the movement of the Eldar.

Colonel DaBank ordered his men into postion and to attempt to move forward to trap the enemy.

Lasgun fire erupted from both sides. The Last Chancers were being pinned down by sniper fire from one building that contained up to three snipers.

Two recruits and a new Flamer Pvt Boy George were ordered to the left flank to take the battle to the enemy.

The two recruit Last Chancers opened fire on the Eldar at point blank range but missed due to the adrenaline flow.

The Eldar opened fire back, one of the Eldar had two pistols and fired them at close range but all the shots when high and to the right.

Pvt Boy George snuck through a damaged building to fire at one of the Eldar with his flamer but it seems the promethium nozzle was turned down and it did not provide a full range of flame, this put Pvt Boy George out in the open to Eldar lasgun fire.

Pvt Boy George was wounded and taken OOA in the next few minutes of gun fire by Eldar treacherous snipers.

Then Radar with the vox caster went OOA by pistol fire from the Eldar.

A few of the Last Chancers were trying to double time it across the battlefield to get into the action but had to take the long way to stay out of range of the Eldar Snipers.

A newly captured PDF prisoner who was the last of his squad to survive a battle against the Orks was given orders to charge ahead and to distract the Eldar Snipers. He was not willing to do this at first but Colonel DaBank gave some motivation by placing a bolt pistol to his head and asked him, "Do you feel Lucky? as I won't miss." The new PDF Last Chancer ran out in the open to distract the Eldar Snipers. Moe a veteran Last Chancer also showed courage my moving forward on the onlsaught of Eldar Snipers. Twice Moe was wounded in the engagement but he keep crawling towards the enemy without any regard to his own safety.

Two Catachan brothers troopers who were arrested and sentenced to life in prison for putting a Commissar in the emergency room by planting an explosive device on him but it failed to go off. Billy Bob and Billy Joel were excellent soldiers besides this one incident that had been proven. The two brothers had taken to the second floor of a building to attempt to take out the snipers. They kept up continual fire on the snipers. Billy Joel was finally taken out by one of the Eldar sniper as he fired his last shot. Billy Bob was visible shaken but did not leave his position and kept firing at the Eldar.

Flamer George Michael saw an opportunity to turn his nozzle towards teh Eldar and move ahead to fire but he had miss judged the range and came up short, now Pvt Michael was now within the shooting range of several Eldar and he paid the price and was taken down.

The Imperial Navy voxed down to Colonel DaBank's position to say that it has been ordered to commence another orbital bombing of the area as it seems the Eldar have something that can tip the balance of the war and there can be no chance of them surviving. Colonel DaBank's requested that he be given a few more minutes to personally put the Eldar's head on a platter but the Naval Attache' officer said the Lord General has said No and the naval bombardment would commence in 60 seconds. Colonel DaBank gave the order to fall back.

The Last Chancer's had 5 men in the infirmary. Pvt George Michael and Boy George were both there complaining of pain in the backside, it seems they had taken some sharpnel in that area. Pvt George Michael pulled through fine but Boy George was having an allergic reaction to the seditive and has going into cardiac arrest. Hawkey the field medic was quick to being CPR on Boy George and within a few minutes the episode was over and Boy George's vital signs were back to normal. Hawkeye wondered if he did the right thing and if he would think differently of Pvt George.

Unfortunately by the time Hawkeye got to the other three Last Chancers it was too late. Corporal Billy Joel RIP, Pvt Seymour Bottoms RIP and Pvt A F Knott RIP were all taken OOA action. They will be given a proper military burial the next morning.

After Colonel DaBank had gotten back to his office his noticed something was just not right, it seemed someone else had been in his office but who? Then he noticed something, it was a smell, it was a wintergreen smell. Everything seemed to be in place but he could not figure out where the wintergreen smell was coming from. Then Colonel DaBank sat down to grab a bottle of fine wine when he found a grot blaster in place of his wine. The orks had invaded the Colonel's private office and taken his wine.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 17 May 2009 - 13:16

Game 5

Week 4 Game 5 (Half way through the Beta Campaign) Won

Colonel Commissar DaBank instructed Lt Dan to assemble the men. A few minutes later Lt Dan told DaBank the men are ready for inspection.


Colonel DaBank addressed the men, "Naval command thinks you all have had it to easy for too long and I agree with them. I begged the Lord General for no more "milk runs". I instructed the Lord General I want the dirtest and most dangerous job there is. I won't have my Last Chancers from the penal colony turning into fat, laxy sons of Acid Grubs who couldn't lift a hand to stratch their arses, so ladies this is your LAST CHANCE to powder your noses and play footsie with the flamers as this evening you'll will be working for your keep!"

All the men howled out, "Sir, Yes Sir!"

DaBank called in Lt Dan and Lt Pyle to his quarters. The men sat down at the table in the center of the room. Commissar DaBank offered both LTs some hot recaf and both eagerly accepted some. DaBank pulled out his data slate and type in his password and the data slate hummed to life but it was not the data slate that he was expecting as the holographic image was one of Sisters of Battle in, um....compromising positions. DaBank coughed and tried to act like what the hell happened. DaBank quickly noted that his was taken as "evidence" from one of the last chancers who had been selling data slates with naked pictures of some Sisters of Battle. Lt Dan and Lt Pyle acknowledged the statement and tried their hardest not to laugh or smile. It was the longest two minutes of their lives.

DaBank pulled out the correct data slate and typed in his password. The Lord General's holographic image popped out and told DaBank he had been chosen to go after a Renegade Imperial PDF unit who has been rumored selling Imperial secrets to the Orks, Eldar and some other heretical races. Lord General Peter Draggin showed DaBank the pin point location of the Imperial Renegade new HQ. It seems to be a run down building on the otherside of a deserted city. The Lord General reminded Colonel DaBank that if in a few hours they can not succeed to get enough men with auspex close to the building to intercept the crypted messages to their employer then the Imperial Navy will order another Orbital Bombing like they had in the last few skirmishes.

Commissar DaBank split his group to move forward on two different points on the battlefield. DaBank put Ensing Moe (the newest promoted recruit to an Officer status) to lead the assault on the West side. Ensign Moe eager accepted to show to everyone that he was ready for a command.

Commissar DaBank took the remaining men to the other side and huddled down until it was almost first light to catch the Renegades by surprise.

The charge was ordered and Ensign Moe moved his men forward to an exposed side of the ruined building and immediately they were taking incoming fire.

DaBank ordered his men to move forward to but use cover as much as possible as these filty renegades have been known to put men in high areas as snipers to pick off good men of the Empire.

After the first round Ensign Moe's team managed to take one renegade down but then the Renegades started moving around and deploying to better shooting points. During this time some crazed lunatic pulled out to laspistols with ivory handles and twirled his pistols in his hands. The laspistols were chrome and the sunrise was coming up and when it shone off the laspistol chrome it looked like a disco ball and then shots rang out like a bell and the evil Renegade blasted shots away from his vantage point to the unprotected Last Chancers. Billy Bob, the Catachan figher, was taken out of action by one of the shots, then Boy George was knocked down by incoming autogun and shotgun fire. Ensign Moe showed tremendous courage by leading the way and taking the point position to lead his men.

Lt Dan and Lt Pyle finally reached their perched positions and attempted to open fire on the renegade snipers but could not quite make them out. They knew those damned vile creaps were in the tower but could not take shots until one of the become exposed. Lt Dan called down to Commissar DaBank of their situation. DaBank said, "I will fix that and you will have your shot."

DaBank ordered Pvt Seymore Bottoms to run to the left side and hid behind the corner of the building and when Pvt Bottoms sprinted for cover lasgun fire erupted all around him. Pvt Bottoms was hit and fell down but it seems the lasgun fire passed right between his legs and it took him a few minutes to get oriented to be ready to fight.

Engsign Moe kept his team moving and finally Pvt Boy George was able to whip out his flamer and dose to Renegades with hot flames. The 1st Renegade saw what was coming and was able to dunk so the 2nd Renegade took all the flames and was burnt to a crisp.

As the battle keep going a new Catachan penal fighter was shot in the head by a shot and it doesn't look like he has long to live.

Ensign Moe rallied his men and ordered them to move forward slowly but to continue to fire and in doing so he exposed himself to the Renegades and they shot at him. Ensign Moe went down in a hail of bullets.

The rest of the Last Chancers felt an outrage roar up in their chests and they pressed forward to get the Renegades. Pvt George Michael who managed to dodged buckshot being shot at him moved in with his flamer and poured burning Promethium into one of the doorways. The Apostate Preacher must have said a quick pray to his gods as he was unaffected by the flames but it seems he forgot to pray for the recruit next to him as he was cooked like a Grox on a Guilder Day Festival.

Two renegades on DaBank's side tried to move in closer. One of them was a flamer and he was quickly surprised when a bunch of men ran straight for him and they opened up on him and took him out. Then the other renegade ran to a 2nd level and fired shots at the incoming Last Chancers but the shots were wild at best and failed to hit their mark.

The Last Chancers fired back and the renegade recruit fell to his death.

Then Lt Pyle got lucky with a lasgun shot on a Renegade in the tower as he finally popped his head up to take a shot and in doing so exposed himself and took a shot to the head.

DaBank was urging his troops forward when he saw the Renegade leader run out the side door with his men.

DaBank and the Last Chancers got into the Renegades HQ and started to get any information they can about the Renegade Operations. There were chaos gods and insensitive markings drawn on the walls. The flamers were ordered to burn any and all Renegade pics, dieties and etc right away.

DaBank found a data slate and it seemed to belong to the one called Dozer, the leader of the Renegade Rabble and DaBank started looking through the files and saw that Dozer likes flowers and little puppies.

DaBank ordered double rations tonight for the men as they were accomplished their mission. Pvt Bottoms said to Pvt Parts that "Wow, double rations! These grey protien bars that taste like arse that I wouldn't even feed them to a Grox!"

While searching around they found 22 credits and some resources that could be sold for a later date.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 18 May 2009 - 3:21

lol! I LOVE these Reports: it's Beetle Bailey in Space! The lighthearted approach both you & Mordheimer take is refreshing & very much like my Loony Tunes view of life Suspect .
After a quick scan of the rules, one of the really attractive aspects of Death Squad is its adaptability for an extended campaign allowing for some in depth character developement. COOL STUFF! LOVE THOSE NAMES! thumbsup
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 18 May 2009 - 6:40

Also... all the other player's stories are being weaved between them. It makes for interesting reading. Later on I will post the other players reports!
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Wed 20 May 2009 - 15:52

[


Game 6: Night Sabotage LOST Won 3 Lost 3

Colonel Commissar DaBank was sitting at his table along with LT Dan, LT Pyle and Ensign Moe Booty. The Ensign said he “folds”, then Lt Pyle looks around nervously and back at his hand of cards. DaBank says, “Lt Pyle just fold we all know when you don’t have a pair”. Lt Dan and Ensign Booty began to laugh. Ok, I fold said, Lt Pyle. Commissar DaBank picked up his cup of hot ReCaf and sipped some down. The Colonel said, “Lt Dan you in or are you walking?” Oops, bad joke sorry said DaBank. Lt Dan said, “I raise you and I have a pair of Ecclesiarchs”. DaBank said “Wow!, you got it but I call you and here is what I have, Three Inquisitors and an Emporer”. Lt Dan looked as if he was punched in the gut. DaBank could only smile and began to pull in all the credits.

Pvt Seymor Bottoms runs into the room and just realized he ran in before knocking. Colonel DaBank looked up and ask “What in the name of the Golden Throne can I help you with Pvt Bottoms?” Sir, sorry sir but a message just came in from the Lord General on the portable Hololith. Colonel DaBank said, “Alright turn the damn thing on.” Pvt Bottoms placed the Hololith in the middle of the table and pressed the on button. The Hololith hummed to life and asked for Colonel DaBank to input his private PIN #. DaBank did so and the Lord General’s image shoot from the Hololith. Colonel DaBank quickly said “Good Evening, Sir!” The Lord General Hololith was full of static but began to look around. The General noted, “Teaching your subordinates to stay away from gambling, Commissar?” DaBank cringed for a minute as he was still pulling the pile of newly won credits towards himself. DaBank quipped, “Yes Sir!, I am teaching them that gambling is a bad thing as he smiled.” Lt Dan, Lt Pyle and Ensign Booty started to squirm in their seats. The Lord General then said” Colonel, we still playing this Friday night?” Colonel DaBank said, “Of course Sir!, I would never miss it.”

The Lord General said, “Time for business, as it seems some filthy xenos Orks have stolen three shuttles and are trying to use them for themselves.” DaBank asked what intel do you have? Lord General said, “Small mob of Orks lead by a nob that calls themselves the Green Palms or something like that. I need you and your squad to get ready to move out and recover or destroy the shuttles.”



DaBank ordered his mean for a night time raid in hopes of catching the Orks by surprise. DaBank pulled out his amplivisor and scanned the area. From what DaBank saw he split his force up into threes. He wanted to attack two shuttles and put surpressing fire on the third shuttles.

Unfortunately, when moving into a ruined building Sarge Rock tripped over a rock and made a noise and this in turn alerted the Ork Sentry close to him. The Orks raised the alarm and opened fire on the Last Chancers in the ruined building and the rest of the Ork security detail quickly reacted and moved towards the commotion. Fortunately for the Last Chancers they had plenty of cover as they had not moved from their positions.

Sarge Paper was next to Pvt George Michael and Pvt Boy George when he yelled out, “Take as many of those grox reamers as you can?” Pvt Michael and Pvt George both looked at each other and said in duo “What is wrong with Grox Reamers?” Sarge Paper threw a grenade at the middle shuttle but if failed to do any damage and then later on another grenade was thrown at a couple of Orks but they are so tough it only daze them.

DaBank and Hawkeye moved to the top floor of a building to take shots at the Orks but then realized they only had pistols and they were too far away for their shots to be effective. Lt Dan and Trooper Curly moved to the 2nd floor and poured lasgun fire into the Orks on the right side. Ensign Moe, two flamers and two other troopers moved towards the middle shuttle but soon realized with the alarm being raised they would be in direct LOS of the Ork Shaman type thing and the sleeping Orks were running out of their rooms. Pvt George moved towards the first shuttle and hoped to flame an Ork and a shuttle and he did not damage. Pvt George Michael moved toward the middle shuttle and hosed down a couple of Orks with Promethium but really do not do the damage he wanted. Now both flamers were out in the open. The Orks fired back taking Pvt Boy George down but Pvt George Michael managed to elude the first few shots his way.

DaBank’s plan was ruined as the Orks slowly shuffled moved toward the Last Chancers he knew that moving forward would be suicide and good thing he waited as a group of 5 Orks Gretchins came in on left flank and if he had moved forward his squad would have been in trouble. DaBank yelled out to his men to get back into cover.

DaBank finally made it out of the building and got behind some cover when Catachan fighters Billy Joel and Billy Bob (Yes, they are brothers) came up to help give some much needed fire support as it seemed for every Ork they took down a Last Chancers was going down. Ensign Bottoms, Pvt George , Pvt Michael and Pvt Lonely were all OOA at this time and the Orks were moving in and the crazed Ork dumb boy was trying to crackle off his Psyker powers at the Last Chancers and he was starting to hit his mark.

DaBank qued his voxcom to the Hands of Vengeance Frigate and called in another artillery strike as he has done before. He punched in the codes into his dataslate and only hoped he could get out in time before the Orbital Strike came raining in. DaBank barked out orders for his men to fall back and regroup.

Ensign Moe Bottoms took a severe shot to the head. He was rushed to the trauma center as quick as possible but precious time was wasting away. They were finally to get Ensign Bottoms to Hawkeye. Bottoms life signs were quickly going down and then his vitals stopped. Hawkeye quickly performed CPR was able to bring him back but due to the lack of oxygen Ensign Bottoms bottomed out and has become stupid.

After the battle Commissar DaBank was going over each man’s file to see if anyone deserved any commendations for today’s battle and it seemed Pvt Boy George had rushed out into the middle of the action (with a funny gait) to set the example to the rest of the Last Chancers. DaBank thought that now with Ensign Bottoms suffering from a severe head injury that this might be a chance to move someone up into the Ensigns position.

Lt Dan knocked on the door and DaBank said to come in. DaBank took a sip of his ReCaf as Lt Dan announced what supplies Imperial Navy had ferried down. Lt Dan said they got to “hot shot” power packs for their lasguns and a demolition expert who managed to piss off his company commander. DaBank said two power packs? What gives? Lt Dan said the Navy shuttle had been hit by a missile or was sabotaged. DaBank thought, and said Yea, Dozer and his group must be behind this. Dozer and his stupid radio programs will do anything to break from Imperial rule.
DaBank asked Lt Dan, You know why Dozer choses to do radio programs? Lt Dan said, “No, why?’ Because the only people he can convert are those who can not read. Lt Dan said “True as it seems a local mother is reporting her son missing after listening to one of Dozer’s broadcasts. “ Lt Dan said also don’t forget there is also an Eldar squad running around lead by some guy in spandex tights called Exarch Naois and along with two different Ork Nobs who claim to be the biggest and baddest. Colonel DaBank picks up his dataslate and reads from a Navy Intelligence report or lack there of and says that there are reports that one of the Ork Nobs was killed by an Eldar after a disagreement on who should take the lead while they were dancing together. Lt Dan said, “Colonel, you look sad”. DaBank said “Yes, I guess I am. I am disappointed that I never managed to kill that Nob, I was really looking forward to wiping his entails off my chainsword.” Lt Dan said, “I know how you feel sir.”

Navy Intelligence also says this Spandex wearing Exarch is starting to think he has what it takes to make this place a new Craftworld. Lt Dan exclaims, "Emperor's Teeth, who does this Eldar think he is?" DaBank calming said, I have no idea but he will meet his end at the end of my chain sword as he takes a bite of his reconstituted soylens.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Thu 21 May 2009 - 2:25

lol! The Renegade IG leader wouldn't be the infamous "Bull" Dozer by any chance? Good thing Da Bank isn't facing the Dread sexually impaired Eastern Rogue Psycher Won Hung Lo Suspect .
Another GREAT Battle Report; I never realized the comic potetial of 40K before. thumbsup
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Thu 21 May 2009 - 11:24

Thanks Deaf...I think Dozer is the Renegades player's nickname.

Yea, we are trying to have fun with this campaign, I apologize to all for my spelling and grammar errors. It is near to impossible to type all the stuff without something else going on.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Fri 22 May 2009 - 14:04

Another great report Brother!
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 24 May 2009 - 6:26

Prelude to Game 7: Opening Statements


Colonel Commissar DaBank was going over the latest DataSlate map to see where the latest incursions have been happening. There have been Ork, Eldar, Renegade attacks on various Imperial points of interest. There have been rumors coming in that giant bugs have been seen roaming around and devouring those in their way. The Departemento of War Media has but out news bulletins that there are no such things as “giant bugs” and this is just someone’s imagination or drinking problem that has “clouded” the fact.

DaBank howls at Lt Dan to make the map bigger on the table so all can view. DaBank questions his leadership team to tell him where they think the next probable target would be. Lt Dan said, “There is a house of fun on the other side of time that should be watched.” DaBank smirked and said “Really, and who would you suggest should go and check it out?” Lt Dan said, “I would be willing to lead a team over there as there have been numerous occasions that the Renegade Rabble lead by Dozer has been there.” DaBank smiles and says, “I see but that will not be happening.”



DaBank says, “Ok, would anyone else like to try?” Lt Pyle says, “Sir, I fear the Governor might be a target.” “Very good”says Dabank, “someone is finally thinking with their right head but I don’t think that will be the target just yet. DaBank says, “Next?” Sarge Rock stammers for a minute and says “Sir, they could be looking to attack our shuttle supplies.” Interesting says DaBank but they already have last week, “Remember?”

Sarge Paper jumps in and says “The mines, they might be looking to taking over some of the precious mining areas.” DaBank says “Ok, not bad.” DaBank looks at the newly promoted Ensign Boy George who recently defied all odds of survival by personally charging into an Ork firestorm to whip out his flamer nozzle and splash hot flames onto the enemy. Ensign Boy George says, “Sir, I would expect the enemy to hit this target, this target here is the main Promethium reserve tanks.” DaBank didn’t know what to say but “Yes, you are correct Ensign George, I also believe the Xenos and Heretic forces will go after the Promethium tanks.” Ensign George mumbles something. DaBank said, “Yes what is it?” Ensign George quickly states that current situation PDF units can not be trusted and we must be ready to thrust extremely justice on those that oppose us.” Ok says DaBank.

Pvt Seymore Bottoms comes into the briefing room with a plate of Salt Grox Sandwiches and a carafe of Recaf. Colonel said told Pvt Bottoms to put the nice warm edible items next to his spot. Colonel DaBank grabs his limited edition Emperor’s Image Recaf mug. It has a holographic image of the Emperor smiting Orks when you hold it up to the light. “Pvt Bottoms!” says Dabank, “fill me to the rim!” “Oh, gladly” says Pvt Bottoms. Ensign George looked confused for a moment. The other officers looked at each other kind of confused also.

DaBank coughs and says “Start planning immediately for us to secure the planet’s Promethium tanks and we better plan for another option just in case we get there and we are too late.” All the officers said “Sir, yes sir!”

DaBank sat back down in his chair and pulled up his favorite data slate and enjoyed his delicious Salt Grox Rolls and sipped Recaf out of his limited edition Emperor’s Recaf mug.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 24 May 2009 - 7:27

There seems to be Eldar/Slaanesh tendencies within the Colonel's staff; Da Bank had best watch his back...literally Suspect . ANOTHER GEM, Da Bank! thumbsup
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Sun 24 May 2009 - 7:32

@Deaf...nothing is safe in the 40K Universe. Shocked

I am working on putting in more about the other squads as Mordheimer's Orks have a new leader WarpFang.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 9:28

Lt Dan rushed back into the command room and said “Sir, Sir we have urgent news!” DaBank had a hard time putting down his data slate but finally did and said “What is it?” Navy Intelligence says they have intercepted some weird vox transmissions from Ork traffic and it seems one of the Ork Mobs has a new leader and is name is WarpFungus or something like that.” “What do you mean or something like that?”, asked DaBank. Lt Dan said, “Sir, Ork language is very hard to understand that is the best we can make out.” “Hmmm” said DaBank, “I wonder if this Warp Fungus Nob will have what it takes to make a worthy opponent?” (Normally, if anyone was to think that an Ork has the cognitive ability they would think you were crazy that any Xenos especially an Ork had the capabilities to think and strategize but over the years since leaving the Commissar School DaBank had learned that Orks had the possibility to be very creative at times.)

DaBank sat back and began to sip some more recaf and think back you he was a young cadet at the Schola Progenium. He began to remember how simple things where as there were no worries or stress per say. DaBank began to reflect on DoggerBall, a common game played throughout the Imperium. It involves two opposing teams of 7 each attempting to score the most goals and knock out the other team’s players within 4 quarters of 15 sectors. He can still remember the cheer of the crowd when it would enter the arena.

Now, he had to worry about the welfare of the men in his squad. The men in his squad including his officers were from Penal Prisons and condemned to Death. As a Commissar death is a daily occurrence. DaBank looked out for his men even though they were tasked with taking on the most dangerous missions. It was a death sentence waiting to happen and he knew it.

Again, another knock on the door. It was Lt Dan again. “Sir, more news” said Lt Dan. Lt Dan handed the data slate to DaBank for review. DaBank typed in his commissarial codes into the data slate and the holographic image projected itself several inches above the data slate. “Emperor’s Blood!” said DaBank, ”What in the name of Terra is that?” A monotone voice began to respond to DaBank from the data slate the picture in question is a mutant and not a chaos mutant but rather a genestealer mutant. The look on DaBank’s face could show he was not expecting this. DaBank’s squad is already fighting Orks, Eldar, Imperial Renegades, PDF units that have no loyalties, rumors of Tau running around and now Genestealers.

Lt Dan asked, “How do we find them?” DaBank calmly said, “We don’t, they will find us.” DaBank mulled all the possibilities and wondered how many genestealers could be on the planet and how many mutants could be out there?” Lt Dan asked, “Are all these different groups working together?” DaBank smiled and replied, “No, and thank the Emperor for that, they will end up fighting each other for supremacy and we will go in and wipe them out when they are weakend.” Lt Dan said, “That reminds me of an old proverb, Treachery is its own reward.”
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 9:48

Genestealers, & Eldar, & Orks, oh my. The neighorhood is going to HELL! Bwahahaha Twisted Evil
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 10:12

LOL, he's like a cross between Homer Simpson and a gay James Bond. Man, this thing's great, why isn't more fan-fiction comedy? Can't wait for more!

PS. do you want me to point out typos, punctuation mistakes, etc?
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 11:13

@Chad and Deaf...Yes, this is no longer Mr Rogers Neighborhood or TeleTubby land. LOL. I am pulling ideas from the 40K novels I have read and Monty Python shows.

@Chad....sure let me know the errors. Unfortunately, when I am typing away I am pulled away every 10 minutes due to family, dog or work and sometimes all three at the same time. I should proof read it but I am too damn excited to post it. LOL.

Some have started a brief concept of a Genestealer cult which is great as you can hardly read a 40K novel without reading about them.

I have Death Korp pretty much done and I am working Tau currently. I hope to jump to Catachan's next and then Nids or Necrons.

May the Emperor Protect!
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 12:18

Okay, do you want me to do things like 'Penal Prisons' too? (All prisons are penal, so 'Penal Worlds' or just 'prisons' makes more sense.)
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Mon 25 May 2009 - 12:59

@Chad...Nope, Penal Prisons is awkward. I will revise for future. thanks.

The name of Mordheimer's Nob is actually Warp Fang but I thought I would make furn of him in my stories. Same thing with the other Ork Mob they are actually called the green hand but I thought I would call them the Green Foot.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Tue 26 May 2009 - 9:07

LOL! GREAT pre-campaign sneak peek bro! Hahahaha... its like a commercial break of the action!

Yes... DaBank and his excitement... ALWAYS letting the cat out of the bag! Hhehehehe.... Once we finish this test-Campaign, we will enter in another Development cycle (after we make the corrections of stuff we have found!). As he mentioned, DaBank has the Death Korps almost ready for initial testing (they look VERY good and fun!) and the Tau initial concepts have started going down in 'paper'. In the initial thought, we "discovered" the Kroot Mercenary Army from the Chapter Approved books and eventually we will make a Kroot Merceary Squad. They won't be on this Dev Cycle, but maybe the next.

In the spirit of spilling the beans, I'm assigned to work on the Space Marine Scout Squad (SMSS) and the Adeptus Mechanicus Squad! Floating Servo-Skulls for everyone! For the next Dev Cycle I will work with the Genestealer Cult... in initial experimentation and preparation for a Tyranid Squad... a great challenge indeed!

We maybe deviated if the Dark Eldar Codex for 40k update is released late summer... nothing like adding saddistic pirates to the mix! Depending on how things go, the Ordo Majoris of the Inquisition [Ordo Malleus (Grey Knight's Demon Hunters), Ordo Hereticus (Sisters of Battle) and Ordo Xenos (Deathwatch)] would be worked out. The Necrons will be included AFTER the new Codex release.

It will be a big mess... ALL FUN!
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Tue 26 May 2009 - 11:20

It should be some great stuff coming up! I am really eager to see the SMScouts as this is something many people are asking for.

If the DE book comes out this summer then as Edwin noted that might be a good way to go. Pirates in Space...anyone seen Space Balls or Ice Pirates? This will be a fun squad to write about.

The Imperium is besieged by so many groups against them and that is why the Genestealer Cult will be a good one.
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Tue 26 May 2009 - 11:28

AAAARRRGH! Space Pirates! Now you're cookin'. I EVEN have a bunch of the Ancient GW Space Pirates from the Rogue Trader days. pirat
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PostSubject: Re: Colonel Commissar DaBank's Journal   Today at 5:09

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